Articles: 1991
28 Aug 2025, 18:00
News
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of his ongoing efforts to expedite the deportation of illegal aliens, President Donald Trump introduced an official "Wheel of Random Country You Get Deported To" that he can spin to figure out where he's sending people.
28 Aug 2025, 17:39
LONDON — In what political analysts described as a historic turning point for Western Civilization, Great Britain announced a "Reverse Crusade" where they invite Muslims to come and destroy England.
28 Aug 2025, 16:08
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold response to the recent shootings in left-leaning cities, Democratic leaders courageously stepped up to demand common-sense prayer control.
27 Aug 2025, 21:37
As the male staff of the Babylon Bee wiped away tears after seeing the engagement photos, we couldn't help being overcome by all the ways Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce point us to Christ. Here are just ten of them:
27 Aug 2025, 18:40
SCOTLAND — According to reports, the homeland of William Wallace has shifted away from charging into certain death in the name of freedom to just letting their teenage daughters handle the violent rape gangs.
27 Aug 2025, 18:15
LEBANON, TN — Questions continue to swirl over whether perhaps Cracker Barrel went too far overcorrecting as it unveiled a logo featuring a Confederate flag and the new name "The South Will Rise Again."
27 Aug 2025, 17:28
SCOTLAND — As part of a sweeping effort to put a stop to Arab migrant rape gangs terrorizing the country, UK authorities have begun rounding up and arresting all potential rape victims.
27 Aug 2025, 17:13
DALLAS, TX — As part of a company-wide initiative to increase revenue and provide a greater level of comfort for its passengers, Southwest Airlines announced that, effective immediately, your mom would be required to charter the entire plane to accommodate her.
27 Aug 2025, 15:57
U.S. — Travis Kelce, long-time tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs, has finally acquired an expensive ring without the help of NFL referees.
27 Aug 2025, 15:29
ST. LOUIS, MO — Witnesses report that Micah Rupe was granted instant sainthood after he properly installed a car seat without cussing even once.
26 Aug 2025, 21:05
LEAWOOD, KS — Football star Travis Kelce will reportedly write his own vows for his upcoming wedding to American pop star Taylor Swift just as soon as he learns how to spell "psyched".
26 Aug 2025, 19:46
WASHINGTON, DC — President Donald Trump announced this week his administration plans on nationalizing as many private businesses and companies as possible in order to fight socialism.
26 Aug 2025, 19:41
BALTIMORE, MD — As the public debate continued to rage over the Trump administration's immigration policies, one human trafficker asked for the government to reconsider deporting him on the grounds that it is inhumane to be trafficked to another country.
26 Aug 2025, 19:39
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump delighted the nation this week, unveiling plans for a giant cannon that he hopes will facilitate faster, more entertaining deportations.
26 Aug 2025, 19:30
U.S. — Taylor Swift's love story came to an abrupt end after a referee jumped out of the bushes following her engagement to football player Travis Kelce and overturned the proposal.
26 Aug 2025, 17:49
AMBLESIDE, ENGLAND — British authorities have arrested a man calling himself Saint George after he brandished a dangerous bladed weapon at a local dragon, which was merely minding its own business of terrorizing the local populace.
26 Aug 2025, 16:25
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In yet another genius move designed to weaken a rival nation, President Donald Trump enacted a plan to dumb down the Chinese population by inviting them to attend American universities.
25 Aug 2025, 21:37
New York City mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani's viral bench press exhibition has gotten everyone talking about the importance of fitness — no matter what your political affiliation may be. But are there exercises even liberals can do?
25 Aug 2025, 20:56
COSTA MESA, CA — A local Christian man was confident that he was likely the cause of periodical resounding celebrations in Heaven, as he proudly fulfilled the Great Commission by occasionally wearing novelty Christian T-shirts in public.
25 Aug 2025, 20:18
NEW YORK CITY, NY — New York mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani was seriously injured Saturday after getting pinned under a pair of 5 lb. yoga bells at an election event.
25 Aug 2025, 19:14
BALTIMORE, MD — As the Trump administration prepared to make another attempt to send a dangerous foreigner with a criminal record out of the country, news broke that Kilmar Abrego Garcia was allegedly just one away from a free burrito on his deportation punch card.
25 Aug 2025, 17:42
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In his latest executive order, President Donald Trump has ordered that anyone who does not bow down to the American flag when the music plays shall be tossed into the fiery furnace.
25 Aug 2025, 17:12
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a muted display of mourning, a group of somber Democrats commemorated the unprecedented streak of 10 murder-free days in Washington, D.C.
24 Aug 2025, 20:40
NEW YORK CITY — New York City has moved to adopt a new system whereby the mayorship will be awarded to the first candidate who can bench press the bar.
24 Aug 2025, 20:30
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of the administration's ongoing effort to remove illegal immigrants, President Trump has ordered the visa status reviewed of anyone with one of those weird "squiggly line n's" in their name.
24 Aug 2025, 20:22
AMARILLO, TX — A group of local friends has recruited a Baptist girl so as to always have a designated driver.
23 Aug 2025, 18:52
KABUL — In a newly released video, the terrorist group Al-Qaeda has claimed responsibility for the changing of the Cracker Barrel logo.
23 Aug 2025, 15:21
TUCSON, AZ — Local husband Ryan Masterson denied having consumed any radioactive Walmart shrimp, though his wife had her doubts due to his entire body emitting a soft neon green glow.
22 Aug 2025, 20:32
The Maryland home of former National Security Advisor John Bolton was raided by government agents today, leaving the public wondering what the FBI was looking for — and what they found.
22 Aug 2025, 20:13
BRISTOL, CT — ESPN hosts reminded the nation Friday that watching women's basketball games is a mandatory activity strictly enforced by the governing authorities.
22 Aug 2025, 20:02
OCEANSIDE, CA — A family's beach trip ended in disaster after they were cited by a state official for building a sand castle together without prior authorization from the California Coastal Commission.
22 Aug 2025, 18:19
NORCROSS, GA — Following the public relations disaster Cracker Barrel experienced this week after it introduced its new logo, popular restaurant chain Waffle House unveiled a successful strategy of just keeping everything the same forever.
