Malala Yousafzai’s Memoir Reveals How Trying Weed Triggered Traumatic Flashbacks

In the activist’s new memoir, she remembers how trying weed at university brought on terrifying flashbacks

Malala Yousafzai, the youngest Nobel Peace Prize laureate and global advocate for girls' education, reveals personal struggles and growth in her new memoir, "Finding My Way." The book explores her journey from a teenage shooting victim to a young woman forging her own identity, including the challenges of mental health, college experiences, and love. Yousafzai opens up about how a night at university involving weed unexpectedly triggered traumatic flashbacks, leading her to confront long-suppressed memories of the Taliban attack she survived. The memoir also offers insight into her evolving views on marriage, relationships, and the balance between activism and personal happiness.

• While studying at Oxford, Malala tried smoking weed with friends, which triggered a severe panic attack and reawakened traumatic memories of the Taliban shooting.
• Despite early fame and global accolades, she struggled with loneliness, pressure, and the desire to lead a normal college life filled with typical youthful experiences.
• Yousafzai discusses the cultural and personal hesitations she faced regarding dating and marriage, ultimately marrying Asser Malik after much reflection.
• She candidly addresses her mental health challenges, including PTSD, and emphasizes the importance of therapy and support.
• Her activism continues alongside her personal journey, as she advocates for Afghan women and other global causes, while also managing public misconceptions and criticism.

Malala’s college breakthrough: From activist to student and friend

Malala Yousafzai’s memoir "Finding My Way" chronicles a critical phase of her life—her young adulthood at Oxford University—where she sought to redefine herself beyond the global icon she had become. After surviving a near-fatal Taliban attack at age 15, Malala was thrust into the international spotlight as a symbol of courage and advocacy for girls’ education. However, enrolling at Oxford offered her a chance to experience typical college life: making friends, attending dances, and exploring new interests.

She describes how she initially felt shy and isolated, fearful she would never fit in amid her famous reputation. Yet, she gradually found security and comfort in friendships with a diverse group of peers. These relationships offered conversations about everyday student worries—like difficult essays and annoying tutors—allowing her finally to experience university as a regular student rather than a global activist. Malala’s choice to dress casually to blend in symbolized her wish to be seen as just another student.

The traumatic flashback: How a night with a bong changed everything

One pivotal moment in Malala’s memoir recounts a night during her studies when she joined friends smoking weed from a bong—a departure from her usual behavior. Initially curious and eager to try new college experiences, she soon felt overwhelmed. The potent inhalation triggered a dissociative episode marked by a loss of time and control over her body. Malala’s panic attack escalated quickly, bringing vivid flashbacks to her Taliban shooting and coma as a teenager.

She recalls the terrifying sensation of being trapped in her unresponsive body, fearing death and reliving each horrifying detail—the bus, the gunman, blood, and the rescue. This traumatic re-experiencing left her unable to sleep and in persistent anxiety for days. Only with the help of her friends and eventually therapy did she confront the unaddressed mental scars of her childhood trauma. The experience deepened her understanding of PTSD and mental health’s role in recovery, themes fresh in her advocacy.

Navigating relationships and marriage: Cultural pressures and personal growth

Malala candidly explores her journey with romance and marriage, domains previously overshadowed by security concerns and her activist role. Growing up in Pakistan, she faced cultural expectations forbidding dating and stringent views about marriage—often arranged and limiting women’s futures. Additionally, injuries from the shooting left her insecure about her appearance.

At university, she initially took a backseat in matters of love, acting as an advisor to friends yet avoiding personal involvement. Her first romantic encounters were complicated and disappointing, including being "ghosted" by a rumored drug dealer. Later, she met Asser Malik, whom she describes as kind, adventurous, and supportive. Their courtship eventually led to marriage, which Malala entered with hesitations rooted in patriarchal traditions and her feminist values.

She emphasizes that while she questions the institution of marriage and advocates for women’s independence, her union with Malik is a partnership built on mutual respect, friendship, and shared growth. The couple redefines traditional roles, now calling each other “besties” rather than husband and wife, symbolizing a modern egalitarian relationship.

Balancing activism, personal life, and public expectations

Malala’s memoir also delves into the complexity of managing her global activist identity alongside a personal life fraught with pressures. Known since her teens as a fearless champion for education, she struggled with feelings of inadequacy and impostor syndrome, especially when academic obligations conflicted with speaking engagements and financial responsibilities to support her family.

She details the psychological toll of carrying expectations to “be brave” without showing vulnerability, complicating her willingness to seek mental health care. Her journey through panic attacks and therapy marks a turning point, highlighting the importance of acknowledging mental health in activism.

Moreover, Malala addresses the misunderstanding and criticism she faces—both from those who see her as too corporate and from detractors skeptical of her alliances or funding approaches. She candidly discusses her experiences with backlash in Pakistan, the social media controversies, and the enduring impact of childhood trauma.

Continued commitment to advocacy amidst changing realities

Despite immense challenges, Malala’s commitment to girls’ education and women’s rights remains unwavering. She poignantly describes the heartbreak over the resurgence of Taliban control in Afghanistan and the global failure to protect Afghan women’s rights. Her appeals to world leaders and efforts to support underground education reflect her perseverance in activism.

She also notes the evolving nature of her activism—moving from symbolic photo ops and cautious diplomacy toward a more nuanced, sometimes disillusioned understanding of progress and setbacks. Yet Malala continues to fundraise, speak out, and support causes worldwide, including recent aid initiatives for Palestinian children amid ongoing conflicts.

A new chapter: Embracing humanity, joy, and imperfection

“Finding My Way” ultimately presents Malala not just as an icon but as a human being navigating the complexities of adulthood. Beyond public roles and accolades, she embraces humor, friendship, love, and personal challenges. Her willingness to reveal vulnerabilities—panic attacks, self-doubt, insecurities—invites readers to see the activist behind the headlines.

Reflecting on her journey, Malala offers wisdom to her younger self: to follow the heart, make friends, be unafraid to be imperfect, and ask for help when needed. This memoir is a testament to resilience not simplistically defined by bravery or success, but by the ongoing process of finding one’s way in life.

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Malala Yousafzai’s "Finding My Way" is a powerful, intimate account of growth, trauma, love, and activism. It enriches the public understanding of a woman who has inspired millions by sharing her authentic story—complete with all its complexities and contradictions—demonstrating that even those who change the world are still discovering who they truly are.

Questions and answers

Q: Malala Yousafzai memoir 2024

A: Malala Yousafzai has reportedly been working on a memoir set to release in 2024, where she plans to share deeper insights into her life journey, including her activism for girls' education and her recovery after the attack she survived. The memoir is expected to provide personal reflections and inspire readers with her story of resilience and hope.

Q: Impact of weed on PTSD flashbacks

A: Research suggests that cannabis (weed) may have mixed effects on PTSD flashbacks. While some individuals report that cannabis helps reduce anxiety and the intensity of flashbacks, others find it can worsen symptoms or impair memory and emotional processing. The impact varies widely, and medical supervision is recommended when using cannabis for PTSD-related symptoms.

Q: Malala's experience at Oxford University

A: Malala Yousafzai studied Philosophy, Politics, and Economics (PPE) at Oxford University, where she balanced her academic pursuits with ongoing activism for education and human rights. Her time at Oxford was marked by both rigorous study and her continued commitment to advocating for global education, allowing her to deepen her understanding of political and social issues.

Q: Malala Yousafzai marriage and personal life

A: Malala Yousafzai tends to keep her personal life private, but as of 2024, there are no public records or announcements regarding her marriage. She focuses largely on her education, activism, and humanitarian work, maintaining a public image centered on her advocacy rather than her personal relationships.

Q: Mental health challenges faced by activists

A: Activists often face significant mental health challenges, including stress, burnout, anxiety, and PTSD, due to constant exposure to trauma, opposition, and high-pressure situations. The emotional toll of fighting for change, sometimes in dangerous environments, can impact their well-being, making self-care and mental health support crucial for sustaining their efforts.

Key Entities

Malala Yousafzai: Malala Yousafzai is a Pakistani activist for female education and the youngest Nobel Prize laureate. She survived an assassination attempt by the Taliban and continues advocating for girls' education worldwide.

Oxford University: Oxford University is a prestigious university in the United Kingdom, known for its rigorous academic programs and historic legacy. It is where Malala Yousafzai pursued higher education after her activism gained international recognition.

Taliban: The Taliban is an Islamist militant group that has controlled parts of Afghanistan and Pakistan, known for enforcing strict interpretations of Sharia law. It opposed Malala Yousafzai's advocacy for girls' education and targeted her in a shooting attack.

Asser Malik: Asser Malik is a Pakistani cricket administrator and the general manager of the Pakistan Cricket Board. He is involved in managing cricket operations and promoting the sport within Pakistan.

Pakistan: Pakistan is a South Asian country known for its diverse cultures and complex political landscape. It is the home country of Malala Yousafzai and faces ongoing challenges with militant groups like the Taliban.

External articles

• Malala Yousafzai Thought She'd Never Fall in Love
• Malala Yousafzai on growing up, getting cynical – and ...
• I Am Malala: Resources Guide for Educators

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YouTube Video

Title: Malala Yousafzai Makes Some Mischief, Falls In Love, and Gets Real
Channel: New York Times Podcasts and The New York Times
URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKFpNh2avys
Published: 5 days ago